


built for

by Skylark



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Gold & Silver & Crystal | Pokemon Gold Silver Crystal Versions
Genre: Developing trust, Dissociation, Drabble Collection, Gen, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma Recovery, Triggers, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 01:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20462756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylark/pseuds/Skylark
Summary: "What do you want?" Lance asks.The dark,Lucario says.The allegory of the cave.





	built for

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Yrindor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yrindor/gifts).

> This was written for my friend who bid on me during [Fandom for Siken](https://fandomforsiken.tumblr.com/post/185467043596/about); thank you so, so much!
> 
> The prompt was for trauma recovery focusing on a relationship between a pokémon and a trainer. This story is structured as a series of drabbles. Inspired by _War of the Foxes_ by Richard Siken and Romans 8:37—_we are more than conquerors._
> 
> **More specific content tags:** a character has recurring panic attacks, suffers from thought distortions and black and white thinking, and gets repeatedly and accidentally triggered into panic attacks.
> 
> Thank you to [Icie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/icie) and [axolotlsGambit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/axolotlsgambit) for feedback and editing.

"What do you want?" Lance asks.

_The dark,_ Lucario says. 

So Lance brings him to his bedroom, draws the curtains, and turns out the lights.

When he returns at the day's end, Lucario is balled up beneath the bed, panting. His eyes won't focus even when Lance calls his name.

_When are you going to hurt me?_ Lucario asks him.

"No," Lance says. "Never."

_Why not?_

Lance blinks, at a loss. "It's… unacceptable. We have laws against it."

He winces as Lucario rakes psychic claws across his aura. _You're telling the truth;_ Lucario says; and then, softer, _I don't understand._

\--

"I need some advice," Lance says. "It's for a pokémon."

"A pokémon," Sabrina repeats, tinny over the phone. "From last week's raid?" Then, "...The Lucario that took a shine to you."

"Yes. I have never worked with a telepathic pokémon. Would you teach me how to shield?"

Sabrina hums. Lance wonders if she finds him as lacking as he feels. His strength lies in dragons and traditions, and Lucario is neither.

"You can't give him to Will or Bruno?"

"Lucario asked for me."

"Because you found him," she says. Sabrina was there too.

"Because I believe in him," Lance answers.

\--

It is hard to give Lucario choices. Lance tries, but Lucario refuses to take them. He won't state a preference for food or bedding or room temperature. When Lance presses him, he retreats and shakes.

It hurts Lance to see him like this: paralyzed with fear beneath the bed, not recognizing where he is. Lance asks for more and more advice, and uses all he learns. "You're in my bedroom in Indigo Plateau," he says. "You're safe. Can you take deep breaths with me? Can you feel the blanket under your paws? Can you tell me what color it is?"

\--

Lance knows Lucario finds his aura soothing, but he winces when Lucario's telepathy rakes through his brain.

Finally he says, "You are a bit rough when reading my aura."

Lucario recoils. _I hurt you_

Lance flinches at the fear and self-hatred behind the words. "It's all right—"

_You're going to hurt me_

"Never," Lance says firmly. "I only ask that you be more gentle. Can you try?"

_No no no no_

"I've upset you. Should I leave?"

_ **No** _

Lance stays. Sabrina's shielding techniques help, but they cannot block out the sight of Lucario curled in fear, or how he shakes.

\--

Lance has morals. His world is neatly categorized. He knows the underground fighting ring that raised Lucario was bad; that the humans involved were evil; and that the pokémon involved were good, and undeserving of what happened to them.

Lucario himself isn't so sure. But Lance's conviction never wavers, even as Lucario learns to check his strength and eventually read his aura so gently that Lance can't sense him. Lance has an unshakeable belief in the goodness of pokémon. Even the ones that have done harm.

Lucario sits in his small den and wonders what it means, to be _good._

\--

"It's been weeks," Lance says. "I can't continue leaving you beneath my bed like this. It's unhygienic, and demeaning besides."

Lucario stares at him, uncomprehending.

"You deserve better living quarters than leftover storage space," Lance continues. "And too much darkness is not good for anyone. You'll develop a vitamin deficiency."

_It's scary out there,_ Lucario says. _It's where humans are._

"But there are pokémon, too," Lance says.

Lucario thinks of red eyes gleaming across the fighting ring and shudders.

"No man is an island," he says. "But if it's the dark you want, I think I can propose a compromise."

\--

Here is the secret: Lucario was _good_ at it.

He remembers the violence rising in his blood like thunder. His muscles moving in easy concert. How it felt to use his body for a single clear purpose. Adrenaline as something like joy.

He remembers, too, the nausea after. The cuts he'd count across his hide without remembering their source. The way the humans would laugh, kicking his cage as they went.

He's a war machine; built for it. He uses pain as currency, to determine his own worth.

He doesn't fear the dark, because he's the scariest thing in it.

\--

Lucario doesn't expect Lance to bring him to his ancestral home.

It's well-lit, but empty. Lance sent word ahead, and the only humans are servants who whisk themselves out of sight once their tasks are completed. No one attempts to interact with either of them, and Lance never lets go of his paw.

They pass through the house with its opulent courtyard garden and enter a forest. The sun is setting as they follow a winding mountain path to the lake near Blackthorn City. A cave mouth yawns on the shore.

"This cave is sacred to my family," Lance says.

\--

The moment they step inside, Lucario feels the weight of a hundred eyes upon him.

His hackles raise and he growls, instinctively dropping into a fighting stance. Lance raises a hand. "At ease," he says, not only to Lucario. The foreign regard lessens, though it doesn't vanish entirely.

_Where are we,_ Lucario snarls.

"The Dragon's Den," Lance replies. "Nothing will harm you here, I swear it."

Lucario can feel the wild pokémon's auras as a nasty hum against his nerves. Lance never lies to him, but Lucario can feel it: this is a place of testing.

He's been tested before.

\--

A dragonair rises out of the water and Lucario lunges forward.

Distantly he hears Lance shout, but Lucario is beyond caring. Aura swirls between his palms, casting eerie shadows across the walls. The dragonair rears back, hissing with alarm.

Aura buzzes up his arms, making his fur stand on end: a familiar feeling. He's about to fire when Lance steps between them, arms spread.

"I said, _stop,_" Lance says. "You too, Dragonair! Enough!"

For a moment Lucario growls at Lance, too—before he realizes who is standing there. He stumbles back with a cry, the aura blast fizzling into nothing.

\--

"Forgive us," Lucario hears over his rising panic. "We mean no harm."

He scrabbles for Lance's aura. Lance flinches but Lucario finds the same steady faith: pokémon are good. They should be respected, but never feared.

_I don't understand,_ he says, paws clutching his temples. _I nearly killed you._

"It was my fault," Lance says as the dragonair retreats. "I should have anticipated your reaction. My love for this place made me careless."

_You're not scared of me?_

"You are young, and frightened. I have faced far worse. I think the more important question is: are you afraid of yourself?"

\--

By the time Lucario stops shaking, Lance has carried him back to his ancestral home. They're once again in Lance's bedroom, just not the one Lucario's used to. The lights are off. Lance has offered apologies but Lucario ignored them, focusing on the breathing techniques that Lance has taught him over the months together.

After a while, Lance asks, "Have I kept my word?"

Lucario looks up. _What do you mean?_

"When we first met, I told you that you were safe. Has anything harmed you since then?"

Lucario considers it. With a jolt of surprise he says, _No. Nothing._

\--

Lucario steels himself and turns on the light.

He fights a flare of adrenaline. The room jumps into clarity: he can see the bedspread's ornate pattern and the golden color of the tatami mats. He sees no threats and nothing to hide from.

He can, however, see the way Lance's eyes widen, and how his face breaks into a smile.

_Everything is still scary,_ Lucario tells him, _and the world you see is not one I understand. But I will try, if you will let me stay by your side._

"Yes, of course," Lance says. "It would be my honor."


End file.
